What is the key to power or to success?
The other day i had talked to someone about who has the power to help and resolved some issues. There are good things that are good, and getting closer to what i want, but i just don't have everything yet. I keep telling myself " when is it my turn" Pretty much all my friends and family have what they want. The only one thing i don't have is marriage and kids. I'm about to turn 36 next week. (Wednesday)
The only power i have is me, my relationship with Javier is good. But he hasn't actually asked me yet about moving in together or marriage. We have talked about it and that's it. My question is Does he really love me? Does he want the commitment with me? Do we have a future together?
I have been feeling emotional a lot lately, even when i am having a good day too. I have schedule myself to take time for me. Myself. And i also don't want to be around people either. But there are days when i have too, because i have to go to school, or do my shopping and errands.
I feel like i want to find a deep dark hole and climb in and don't come out. I have been feeling a lot of stress lately. First is My mom is very ill, and dying. of Small cell lung cancer. I been told it's not good. and there are no cures for it. I don't want to lose my mom. and now i am hearing my grand father isn't doing well either. He is 89. and he has suffered small strokes. These are the two main reasons why i haven't been myself, I been stressed. And not only that there are other problems that are happening. And i like for it to go away. And to leave me alone. I just want to have a life, and continue my education. and i am... And hopefully this weekend sit down with Javier and talk about out future. And hopefully find an apartment for us. I want us to do that together. I love him to much, and he is the one i want to be with.
I talked to an counselor at school about all this, and she has recommended that i don't try, or hope for. I should know to take better control of myself, and do what Kylene wants to do. I have thoughts about it and always kept shut about it. and never really talked about it. Because i am afraid what would happen if i did came forward and open up about everything....
I need to remind myself I am that KEY OF POWER....
